MAKING FRIENDS IN BENIN

First, I want us all to admit to ourselves that sometimes, making friends can be hard. No matter who you are or where you are, meeting new people can be an overwhelming experience. Not everyone is meant to be your bestie, but with luck, hopefully you will find your people.

Throughout your life you will find many different friendships that will serve many different purposes. Some of these will last a lifetime and some are just for a short period. I always try to remember this when I am entering into a new friendship or leaving an old one behind.

Now back to the aspect of making friends. It can be hard, especially when you’re living in a different culture and speaking a second language.

After living in Benin for a year and a half I have realized that friendships take time to build. I always knew this, but I never experienced it quite like this. Coming into Peace Corps Benin, I was thrown in a group with a bunch of other Americans who were going through the same thing as I was. As you could guess, we all got really close, and I was able to find some really amazing friendships within that group. We trained and lived together for the first three months, but then it was time to say goodbye and go off on our own. This is when making friendship started to get a bit harder. Moving to a village where you didn’t know anybody, nobody looks like you and nobody is from the same background as you, can be quite intimidating. It was very lonely at times for that first year. Going through different stages of fear, anxiety, excitement, confusion and so much more, while also trying to make relationships with new people. But just as I expected, I found my people! It took a bit longer than I expected, but it was definitely worth the wait. I truly believe that I can call these people my friends and I feel so thankful to have them in my life. Now, let me introduce you to them!

First I’m gonna start off with my besties in Peace Corps. We are known as the coffee club because we are all obsessed with coffee, and used to take afternoon coffee breaks during training. Jasmine and Deirdre are two of the biggest reasons why I have felt so supported during this experience. They both live in the same department as me, so we are able to get lunch every few weeks. Another very important person in my life here is Daniel. Friends from the moment we had to both take our Covid test at the airport after missing our appointments. Truly such an amazing and supportive friend, not to mention absolutely hilarious. Everyone in my group is pretty great, but these are definitely my besties!

Now to talk about people in village. The first week I was in village I had this random girl come up to me asking to be my friend. Now she is one of the most important people to me here. Her name is Dupé! After finding out that she was a dress maker, I never went to anyone else. She is one of the most creative and most intelligent woman I have ever met. Amazingly supportive and genuine. Next up on the list is a few of my neighbors. There are three women that live in my complex who have become very present in my life. Chantal, Mama Sena and Mama Falida (many of the women here go by mama + the name of their first child). Chantal is a English teacher at the private school down the street. When she first arrived I was a bit skeptical, but she has turned out to be the person that I go to for everything. She always tells the truth, and is always available to help. We run a girls club and English club at the private school together. Oh I almost forgot to mention, I may or may not be the godmother to her child (it was very unclear when I asked even though that's what they called me). Mama Sena and Mama Falida are both huge supports in my daily life. They are both strong and beautiful woman who genuinely care about my well-being. Can’t go into much more detail even though I could talk for hours about the three of them. A fun fact to know is that when the four of us have a conversation we speak in three languages: English, Fon and French. It can definitely be confusing at times but the point always seems to get across.

Next up is my coworker Moise. Moise has been around since day one. It was his job to make sure that I got adjusted to my village. Once my French was good enough to have a full conversation, we started talking all the time. He’s a very curious guy who has lots of questions about the world, and I love having conversations about the world. He has definitely been like a big brother for me. Last but not least, is Papa Paul. Papa Paul is my language tutor, and he is the very first person I met from my village. For my first year in village, I took lessons with him every week to learn the local language Fon. This created an amazing base for our friendship. He has 100% been my rock throughout this last year and a half. One thing about Paul is that he is a total gossip, and he is always telling me about the T in village. He is respected by everyone and becomes a mediator for many problems. Truly one of the happiest, go with the flow person I have ever met in my life. So that’s it! There are many more people in village that I have connected with, but these are the most important people to me.

Writing this really made me reflect on the impact these friendships have made on my life. They have given me a new perspective and taught me many lessons along the way. Overall I’m just feeling very grateful.